As you can see by my spiffy picture over on the left sidebar, I describe myself as an Alaskan, lesbian, writer, educator, and teenager. Writing this in April of 2012, I am 18 years old. I'd describe my style as a perfectly integrated mix of dyked-down casual and ultra-femme superstar. (That means I can rock my emo eyeliner with my dresses, and my heart-shaped sunglasses with my baggy jeans.) Musically, I gravitate towards punchy beats & saccharine style. I currently reside in the town I've grown up in. Swimming in the ocean enthralls me. I graduated high school on February 28th, 2012, and I've been gay my whole life.
I believe it was February 2nd (2011) or so when I made my big declaration of gayness. At the time, I was involved in three conservative Christian churches. I had already told some friends at church, as well as my youth pastor, and the news was welcomed with varying degrees of acceptance. I had also already told many of my non-religious friends at school, who took the announcement almost invariably well. (My closest friends had pretty much already known!) My sister knew, and the night before I told my parents, I called my incredible aunt (who also happens to be gay) to tell her. I had told my science teacher. By the time I posted the statement on the Internet, my parents knew too. When I wrote up a note on Facebook, and then pressed the publish button, it was less of a news-breaking and more of a life-affirming move. I was gay. I would be gay. I knew I was gay, and I was willing to fight to be gay.
"I could go into my Biblical theories on homosexuality, my prayer life with God on the topic, etc, but the fact of the matter is I have a life to live and I will not spend it defending myself against people who will not accept me as I am. I will distance myself from people who want me distant, but I refuse to be changed by anyone but God.It was not easy for me to come out. My family was accepting from the beginning, and so were the majority of my friends, but I was very emotionally tied to a string of churches who suddenly turned against me. The church, as well as my concept of God, had been my rock through exceptionally hard times in my life. Watching them struggle through my declaration, and being directly affected by their confused actions, angered & broke me.
I am the same Kayte you have always known. That is not going to change. In a way, I don't need to do this. As a very wise person told me last night, he doesn't introduce himself with "Hi, I'm ___ and I'm straight." I agree with that, but I also agree with this: this morning, another wise person told me that because I haven't yet told everyone that it will be assumed I am straight. I am not. I am gay. & I want people to know that about me."
To be totally honest, the trauma of coming out into that environment broke my faith in the Christian God and church, and I have since turned to other venues for expressing belief in something bigger than myself. That's not how I want life to be for other people, but it's how my story looks right now. I feel fulfilled by my spirituality, though, and that's what matters most to me. Even though it's small & a bit stilted, it's mine & it reflects what I believe in.
Shortly after coming out, I started dating a wonderful girl who was a few years younger. We dated for a couple months, learned what needed to be learned, and then broke up. Since, I've been involved with three other girls, all of whom have also taught me invaluable lessons about life & about myself. I've fallen in and out of love. In October of 2011, I attended Pride Conference in Anchorage, and made some incredible queer friends from all over the state. (Hopefully, some of them will guest post for this site! *wink*) I started blogging over at Mermaid Eyes, and discovered that writing for the web is something that I love to do. My passions have made themselves apparent and I've become much happier. Being gay was not a decision, but coming out was -- and it was the best decision I've ever made for myself!